Peth's Fine Adventures
Adventures in the Fine City of Rusty Axe
While he was wetting his throat in one of the finer bars that he had patronized, Peth noticed a man glaring at him from across the room with hate in his eyes. The Paladin of Crom rose from his stool, called out to the man that he should explain himself, and when he did not, Peth punched the man in the face to ensure he would glare with it no more. Peth would later find out that the man was not glaring at all, and was in fact smiling genially at all those within the establishment. But, to be fair, Peth was under the influence of the Demon Drink at the time. And the man probably was glaring, on the inside.
Two of the larger patrons of the bar rose in defense of the grinning man but were quickly dispatched, unable to withstand Peth’s well-honed barstool fencing skills. Reveling in the glory won for Crom, Peth forgot that one can also be attacked from places that are not in front of them. Peth was dazed by an attack to the back of his skull with a ceramic weapon that was clearly of fine craftsmanship to have bested such a great warrior of Crom. He was then unceremoniously tossed out of the bar and probably into the mud with some pigs if clichés are anything to go by.
Having had his fill of Good Things, Peth wandered the streets of the fine town of Rusty Axe, spreading the Word of Crom to any who would listen. Not many would listen. Probably less than he could count on one hand… Or finger. But no matter! He had goods to recover, having lost his Bundle of Adventuring Gear trying to extinguish the flames on his small, but worthy compatriot, Felx.
Peth came across a most distinguished looking general store with all manner of high quality goods. He strode in and up to the counter, confident in his bargaining skills: “I am willing to trade to you this sword for a Bundle of Adventuring Gear and two of your gold pieces. What do you say to that, good sir?”
The savvy shop owner quickly countered, but Peth was ready: “I see your point, and my counter to your counter is thus: I will give you this sword for a Bundle of Adventuring Gear and two of your gold pieces.”
The two skilled hagglers went back and forth in this manner, offering and counter offering with such great tact and guile that Peth was worried for a moment that he may not be able to best this clever, clever man. But in the end, the shopkeep relented, and Peth was able to bring him up to a Bundle of Adventuring Gear and two gold pieces for a sword. Clearly, this was another great victory for Peth, and of course, for Crom!
But then, out of the corner of his eye, Peth spied a worthy replacement for the axe he lost in the woods back when those guys tried to jump him in his sleep.
“That axe! Two gold for that axe, shopkeep! I must have it!”
The owner of the store thought it over and, likely recalling Peth’s clever bargaining not minutes ago, acquiesced immediately. Taking these well-won spoils of verbal battle, Peth began to leave the shop, but was stopped short by nothing less than the utmost in heresy! Here, in this shop, and for sale, were some helmets adorned with the Oxe Horns and symbols of Crom! Unacceptable!
Peth roared, “I cannot allow this blasphemy to continue! I, as a Paladin of the god, Crom, hereby repossess these helms in His name!” The owner, clearly terrified, hesitated before cravenly calling for reinforcements and diving behind his counter.
Dark warriors with the Red Eye of the Evil Sorceress Hecata on their breasts sprung through the wooden floor like shadows, brandishing wicked implements of violence. They advanced on Peth, but he called out to them, “You will die this day! When you find yourselves in Hell, tell the Dark Lady that Peth sent you for the glory of Crom!”
He roared and hurled the helmets of Crom into the nearest of his attackers knocking his foe off balance. Peth raised his new axe over his head and was ready to lunge into their ranks to indiscriminately spread death among them when a tall, raven-haired creature appeared behind him with another of the Minions of Hecata at her side. This new adversary gave him pause, but the woman simply regarded him with what was obviously a respectful glance before disappearing from whence she came.
Returning his focus to the still-advancing group of Minions, he noticed that maybe there were not as many as before. It seemed that they had not the courage to stand before this great warrior of Crom and must have retreated to whatever dark place they came from. Peth turned quickly, noticing that the Fat Elf and the Stoic Elf (he had yet to memorize their names as yet; too many syllables) had arrived outside the store. Welcoming his Elfy friends to the fight, Peth bull rushed the newest of the Minions out into the street, wounding it gravely in the process.
He turned back towards the door and noticed that yet more of his cowardly foes must have deserted the field of battle. He hurled himself back into the shop, dealing a killing blow to the last of the Minions as the creature leapt into him, the thing’s blade glancing off his mail shirt and grazing his arm before it fell to the ground, dead.
Having defeated his enemies and won the day for Crom, Peth returned to the shopkeeper and reiterated his demands that this heretic’s acts be stopped and that he take possession of the offending items. The man accepted Peth’s requests before running, screaming from the shop. Just then, Felx appeared out of nowhere. Peth reflected on how useful the stealthy fellow could have been had he shown up earlier, during the battle. No matter.
The two rooted through the shop’s goods to find spoils of battle. Peth found a dagger that seemed to have been molded to his very hand, but yet, he did not recall this dagger or any like it. He strapped the dagger to his belt and the axe to his back before the new band of companions calmly left the town on the backs of horses that were surely those of the Minions before they made the grave decision to tangle with the Great and Terrible Paladin of Crom, Peth!